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21 December 2006 @ 11:21 pm
Supernatural FF: Never Again (Sam, Dean) 1/1  
Title: Never Again
Author: tinkabell007
Rating: PG13
Characters: Sam, Dean
Words: 1238
Spoilers: To be safe I’d say up to 2x08
Summary: The story is set right after the ending of “Crossroad Blues” It’s like an extended scene.
Note: I’ve written some Veronica Mars and Buffy stories, but this is my very first fic for the Supernatural world :)

The story is devoted to my lovely friend michaela3105 Merry Christmas, sweetie!

And very special thanks for my always awesome beta girl chaotic4life *hugs*

Never Again

„Dean!“ Sam yelled, trying to drown the heavy metal music out. “Dean,” he repeated, reaching out to turn the music off completely. “Talk to me, man,” Concern was shadowing his gaze. He knew exactly how his brother was feeling right now. The pain and uncertainty, the what ifs left unspoken in the car. What if they could have had their father back? What if they could start being a real family again? What if… But that’s all what it was… only a cold ‘What if’ with no prospect of becoming reality.

Dean glanced at his brother out of the corners of his eyes, avoiding even the slightest eye contact. Instead of providing any anwsers to Sam’s pleading words, he grabbed the buttons of the radio again, trying to turn the music back on. Sam saw it coming and reacted immediately, slapping his brother’s hand away.

“No,” Sam said. “We are not avoiding this; Not again.” His voice was confident, eyes still focused and concerned.

Dean, stubborn as always, remained silent. Only his features grew harder as he pressed his lips together. Grabbing the steering wheel tighter until his knuckles turned white, he forced his gaze on the dark road ahead. No, he’s supposed to be strong, he’s supposed to be the older brother, he couldn’t fall apart, not again… never again.

Sam immediately noticed the shift of his brother’s stance. He just knew him too well, knew, when to push him and when it was better to stay away. But not today. Today, he didn’t care. He knew Dean didn’t want to talk about the past couple of hours and he most definitely preferred to avoid the topic of their father’s death on a regular basis, but not today.

“I know it’s hard,” Sam continued, his voice now softer and comforting. “But don’t you think it’s easier to talk about it?”

Dean pushed the gas padal further down and the Impala responded immediately, darting through the shadows of the night.

“Stop the car, Dean,” Sam commanded. “I mean it.” His body tightend, his gaze switching between his brother and the road.

“And what if I don’t?” Dean finally asked, his words harsh and cold. “You gonna do what? Pull some special trick of yours, forcing, only with the powers of your mind, the car to a hold?” He gritted his teeth and for the first time since they got in the car, he looked at Sam. Only his eyes reflected the real truth lying beneath his cold stance. Sadness and guilt.

“Do you even listen to what you’re saying?” Sam asked, ignoring the side blow.

“I’m well aware of that, thank you for asking, not having a blonde-moment here,” Dean snapped. “But for the millionst time, I don’t wanna talk.”

“Yeah and for the zillionst time,” Sam retored, emphazising on the word zillionst “I don’t give a damn! No one can carry such a burden alone. No one. Not even you.”

“Oh little brother, you have no idea what I’m capable of.”

“I’m damn well aware of what you’re capable of. And that’s exactly what scares me the most.” Suddenly his voice was thin and drenched with sadness and fear. “I don’t wanna lose you too, man. I can’t lose you, too. Not after…”

“Shut up, Sam,” Dean interrupted.

“No, I won't,” Sam answered matter of factly. “I’m done shutting up every time it’s at your convenience. I’m done being your punching ball every time you need someone. Ever since dad died it’s like you’re in some freakin’ alternate universe. And I know you feel responsible for his death, but it was his decision, god dammit.”

Suddenly the Impala jerked to the side of the road, coming to a hold quickly. With one single swift Dean swung the door open and stepped out of the car. Sam was taken aback by the surprising move of his brother, but followed him quietly.

“He should not have made that decision. It wasn’t his call,” Dean yelled at Sam while wandering around the car, the headlights the only present source of light. “He just shouldn’t,” he added just above a whisper.

“What? He didn’t want you to die, Dean! He wanted to protect you, to protect his family! Even if it meant to sacrifice his life for it.”

“Yeah, the stupidest decision of his life,” Dean snarled. “Maybe you and him would be better off not having me around anymore.”

Sam’s mouth gapped open. “Dean…”

“Oh, come on, Sammy. Have you never thought about that? Not even for a split second? I’m supposed to be dead, not him. It’s my fault your father’s nothing more than a pile of ahses now blown away by the wind. It’s all my fault. And I hate him for doing this, for putting me in this situation. ” His breaths came harsh and irregular, his face light red with anger while he was clenching his fists.

“How can you even say that!” Sam yelled, anger crawling its way up his body. “Dad, wouldn’t…”

“Shup up, Sam”

“But he didn’t”

“Just shut the fuck up!!” Dean whooped, dashing his fist into the nearst tree.

“Well, in the end, it always comes down to violence, right? The only solution you got.” Sam stated knowingly, not even acting surprised by Dean’s outburst.“Not talking, not listening, but beating up the nearest thing you can find.”

Dean lowered his gaze to his bleeding hand, remaining silent.

“Guess so,” Sam said, more to himself, before stepping closer to Dean. “Then go ahead, do whatever you have to do to make yourself feel better.” He stopped only a few centimeters in front of his brother, ready to take a hit from him.

Dean leveled his gaze with Sam’s, his eyes already shadowed with tears. He didn’t cry often, ‘cause, come on, crying is for babies, right? But right here, right now, for the life of it, he couldn’t force his tears back where they belonged, burried deep inside of him, with all the other pain and guilt.

Sam stood completely still, monitoring every move of his brother. He wasn’t sure if Dean really considered on hitting him, but frankly, it wouldn’t surprise him at all.

But as always, Dean in fact did surprise him. With a flounce, he closed the gap between them. Instead of taking a swing at his brother, he unfolded his arms and pulled Sam into a hug. Finally the tears broke free completely and for the first time like… forever, he cried openley and without embarrassment. Sam tightend his hold on his older brother, tears also running down his cheeks.

They had never done this before, not even after their father’s death, not even after Sam’s visions got rougher… Never. But they knew it was all necessary, all the pain and suffering surrounding their existence had been bottled up for far too long.

No dark secrets, no supernatural moments, just two ordinary brothers crying over the loss of their parents and friends.

Sam knew nothing would change the fact that their father was still gone and their future path was still unclear. Dean would still feel guilty over their father’s decision and they would keep on fighting every creature of the night.

But he also made a promise to himself. No matter what, he would never come that close of losing his brother again , either by death or the dark side.

No, not again. Never again.
Current Music: Three Days Grace - Time of Dying
Michaela: sam/deanmichaela3105 on December 21st, 2006 10:34 pm (UTC)
Hon this fic is just awesome. Thank you so much!!! Sam and Dean are so in character it's mind blowing.

“I’m well aware of that, thank you for asking, not having a blonde-moment here,” Dean snapped. Again...I love this line! It's hilarious *lol*

And you gave me a HUG!!! ♥
tinkabell007: Christmastinkabell007 on December 21st, 2006 10:55 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I know you needed that hug! :) Hope the boys will come to that same conclusion one day!! I'm more than happy you like this story and it made you cry and laugh at the same time *hugz*
Ele - Aki - Phoenix e via dicendo...: Smirk Deanphoenix_bellamy on December 22nd, 2006 12:18 am (UTC)
The hug ♥!
I liked this, very well written ^_^
tinkabell007: Christmastinkabell007 on December 22nd, 2006 01:33 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much :) I'm glad you liked it! *happy*
Eden: Winchesters: big bro's got youoverstreets on December 22nd, 2006 04:15 am (UTC)
AGHHH! I SO WISH THEY WOULD HUG IN THE SHOW! This scenario is perfect. Wonderful job!
tinkabell007tinkabell007 on December 22nd, 2006 01:34 pm (UTC)
Yes, me too!!! We have to see a hug! We need to see a hug! *pouts*

Thank you for reviewing :)
     Mandya_phoenixdragon on January 1st, 2007 08:02 am (UTC)
OMG WOW!! Thank you so much for sharing this!! the emotions just pushed and pulled at me, until I almost broke down with Dean! I mean...DAMN...

*Is blown away*

*Hugs you, speechless with awe*

tinkabell007: fightertinkabell007 on January 4th, 2007 12:36 pm (UTC)
Hey, wow, thank you so much for your lovely feedback.

I'm always a little insecure when it comes to me writing in English as this is not my first language! But I'm more than happy to see that I delivered the emotions perfectly.

So, thank you very much *hugz*