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15 February 2010 @ 03:12 am
[Spn Fanfic]: "Maybe" - A missing scene of episode 5x14  
Title: Maybe
Author: tinkabell007
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~ 1,600
Characters: Sam, Dean
Spoilers: 5x14
Disclaimer: Sadly nothing is mine. Otherwise I’d play with the real deal. *g*

Summary: Sam knew now what he had to do to win this war, but he needed his brother’s help. A missing scene of episode 5x14 – set right after the big showdown. (if you have seen the episode, you know what I mean *g* )
Warnings: Lots of angst. (but there is also brotherly love. Don’t worry)

Author’s notes: I would have loved to see a little interaction between the boys right after the big showdown. But sadly, they didn’t give us any. Then I got this idea stuck in my head of what I would have liked to see. Ergo, this story.
A massive THANK YOU to non_timebo_mala for the awesome beta job. You rock!!! ♥



“Maybe”



Dean stepped closer to Sam, fingers still firmly wrapped around the knife while Famine made his last weak jerks in the wheelchair. His gaze was fixated on Sam, eyes locked tightly with his brother’s. Just for a mere second they flickered to the blood plastered around Sam’s mouth, all dried up and mocking, a clear reminder of what he did.

And this mere second was enough for Sam to know exactly what Dean had to be thinking. He could read it in his eyes, his whole posture. He didn’t move. Couldn’t. Blood was still slowly dripping down his nose, trailing over his lips before mixing with the other blood on his face. It almost looked like a scar. Even though he knew that he could easily wipe it away with the back of his hand, the reason that was lying beneath it was so much worse and could not be erased that simply. Not now; not ever.

His head was heavy, a stabbing pain roaring through his skull. He saw the hurt and fear in his brother’s eyes and yet he couldn’t bring himself to look away. Shame and desperation was crashing like waves over his entire body. Famine was dead, and his unbearable hunger slowly fading into nothingness, but he could still taste the demon blood on his tongue, could still feel the power pumping through his veins. All these months he'd craved it, but he had been strong, he knew he had to be strong. For himself, for Dean; for this entire doomed world. It'd been difficult, but he'd tried - had to. Otherwise…. He couldn't dare to think what would have happened otherwise.

Now he was faced with it; was forced to deal with it. But how could he? How could he ever be okay again?

His head started spinning when he felt his knees slowly but surely give out, letting gravity take its toll. All the adrenaline that had kept him going not minutes before ebbed away as if someone was sucking all the energy out of every pore of his body.

As his knees finally crushed into the cold, tiled diner floor he broke eye contact with Dean. He couldn’t stand the heavy weight any longer; seeing how his brother was looking at him like that again. Judgmental. Disappointed. Like he was a monster.

But Sam knew he wasn’t a monster. How could he be a monster when he just saved Dean and killed the second horseman? But then Famine’s words rushed sharply back to the surface of his mind. What Satan wanted him to be. That he and his powers were a puzzle piece of the master plan that was waiting for him and that no matter what Sam did, no matter what choices he’d make, in the end it would all lead to the same destination. And suddenly everything fell into place and realization hit him like a sledgehammer. He could not win, no matter how much he tried to change or be good. In the end Lucifer would win and it would be his fault. There was only one solution. He knew it. Deep down he’d known it for quite some time now, even Castiel had mentioned it once, but he thought and let himself believe that he could be stronger. But now he knew how to make it right and prove that he could beat the odds and win after all.

“Sammy?” Dean’s voice sounded broken and hoarse as it sucked Sam out of his train of thought and back into the reality that was in front of him.

Sam took a deep breath and slowly raised his head to look up at Dean, gaze immediately settling on the green eyes still clouded with sorrow. If he focused closely he swore he could even make out some wet spots on Dean’s cheeks. Another painful knot twisted in his gut. He knew that Dean wasn’t someone who cried often. But now, here he was, towering over Sam with disappointment literally vibrating off his body. This only reinforced his plan more.

“Please,” Sam whispered, the plea sounding weak and inhuman, even to himself. Defeated. Finished.

“What, Sam?” Dean asked, not even a heartbeat later, threads of confusion reflected in the question.

Sam took another deep breath as if preparing himself for battle. And in some twisted way it was some sort of battle – only that it would be his last.

His eyes tingled with unshed tears while he forced the next words out, “You need to do it.”

He bit his bottom lip before he continued, laying a little more strength into the next words to sound convincing; to make Dean understand that he meant it.

“Please, I need you to do it. You promised, Dean. Please.” His eyes flickered away from Dean’s, just for a second, to settle on his brother’s right hand.

The tension around them thickened. The body of the horseman had finally stilled entirely and had given into its inevitable fate. So the only sound that was left wrapped around the darkness of the diner was the harsh and uneven breathing coming from Sam.

A cold, almost paralyzing, shiver travelled through Dean’s body as the awareness of the knife he was still holding gripped him tight and almost threatened to choke him from the inside out. The weight of the weapon was suddenly way heavier than it was supposed to be, and it took him a few seconds to catch on to what Sam was implying; was asking of him.

“No, Sam. No,” Dean finally answered. A harsh intake of breath was thrown into the mix of Sam’s panting.

Sam’s eyes widened for a second, filled with shock and the slightest trace of surprise at the response. It seemed that he didn’t expect Dean’s answer; was sure that it would've played out differently. “But… you promised,” he countered weakly.

“I said no, Sam,” Dean repeated, putting the knife he'd been gripping so tightly onto the table beside them, underlining his statement even more.

“Dean, I can’t. I just… I can’t do it anymore. I’m not strong enough. Look at me, I’m not. You know I’m not.” His voice broke on the last words as a few tears finally escaped their prison and forced their way down his cheeks.

“It wasn’t your fault, it was Famine’s influence,” Dean replied, looking down at the broken, now sobbing lump that was kneeling before him.

“And next time?” Sam asked unconvinced, his eyes focused straight ahead while his vision blurred more and more.

“We'll deal with next time, but now we're here. And we beat the bad guys.” He tried to smile a little, but his lips refused to comply. “Or well, you know, you beat the bad guys while I was staring very sternly at them.”

“I drank demon blood, Dean. I’m right back where I started.” His body slumped, entirely defeated, chin resting on his chest now, hands gripping into the material of his jeans.

“No, you’re not,” his brother shot back while sinking down to kneel in front of Sam. “You hear me, Sam? You’re not.”

Sam didn’t dare to meet Dean’s eyes. Still couldn’t. Way too afraid of the truth he might see hiding behind his brother’s words. Just a second later strong hands gripped his shoulders tightly before he felt his body being pulled forward into Dean’s embrace.

“You hear me, Sammy? It's not the same, because this time you have me.” His words were soft, soothing, trying to calm his broken brother down; to show him that he wasn't lying.

And this was all it took for Sam to break down entirely, allowing all the fear and despair that has been bottled up inside of him for so long now to break free. A thunder of sobs trembled through his frame as his arms gripped Dean closer; his fingers clawing, almost painfully into the rough material of Dean’s jacket.

“I'm not giving up on you, Sam. Not now, not ever again. You're my brother. Team Free Will, remember? We're in this until the end of the world.” He clutched Sam tighter to himself, trying to force the images from the last time he had been holding Sam just like this out of his head. He even had to fight the urge to feel around his brother’s back just to make sure that this time there was no blood on his hands, no gushing wound hiding under his shirt.

Sam snorted weakly, attempting to crack a joke but failing miserably. “In case you haven’t noticed, it is the end of the world.”

“Yeah, well, we're still standing. So the evil of this world can go and fuck itself. We're still here, Sam.” His words were a little muffled since his chin was now resting on Sam’s left shoulder, but the determination behind them was still strong.

“But the demon blood…” Sam started but Dean cut him off.

“It’s okay, we'll deal, just like we always do.”

“Will you help me?” And suddenly Sam sounded incredibly young and lost, like all he needed to hear was his big brother telling him everything would be okay. That he would take care of him, would help and guide him through this mess. Just like a big brother was supposed to do.

“Always,” was all Dean answered before a few more tears slipped down his cheeks, arms looping tighter around his brother, holding on for dear life.

And just for a second Sam dared to hope that maybe… just maybe they would be alright after all.

~ fin

Thank you for reading :-)
 
 
 
kaz? bonne?: spn - clutchdatenshiblue on February 15th, 2010 03:20 am (UTC)
Wonderful missing scene. simple and straightforward, what we hope for off camera. Good job.
tinkabell007tinkabell007 on February 15th, 2010 03:32 am (UTC)
Thank you very, very much for reading and leaving such wonderful feedback!!! *heart* I am really glad you liked it.
Maria :)reality0junkie on February 15th, 2010 03:27 am (UTC)
So touching! Makes me want to start crying. Beautifully done.
tinkabell007tinkabell007 on February 15th, 2010 03:33 am (UTC)
Awwww. *hands you some tissues* Thank you so much. I am very glad you liked the story :-))
raloria - Screencapping Goddess: WatchingOverYouraloria on February 15th, 2010 03:27 am (UTC)
Very nice! I love the angst, of course. ;)
I can see this happening in the show, of Sam being weakened and defeated, ready to give it all up and Dean being the strong big brother again, there to hold him up. Aw, boys...love you like that! :)

However, I do have a couple of small criticisms...if you're up to hearing them.
tinkabell007tinkabell007 on February 15th, 2010 03:31 am (UTC)
Thank you!! This is also an aspect of the show I am missing right now - the brotherly love is def. not shining through these days!! *sigh*

And absolutely, I am always thankful for criticism :)
raloria - Screencapping Goddess: Jensen 1raloria on February 15th, 2010 03:48 am (UTC)
I agree! Those boys need a break down hug pronto! I'm still hopeful we'll see it by the end of the season.

Now let me tell you these two things I'm about to point out aren't exclusive to you. I've seen it in a lot of fanfic and they're fast becoming some of my biggest pet peeves. So it's not just you, but your writing already shines, so I think fixing these 2 issues would improve it even more. :)

You have sentences similar to this 3 times in your fic:

A cold, almost paralyzing, shiver travelled through Dean’s body as the awareness of the knife he was still holding crashed like a wave over him.

It's the "crashed like a wave" part. I don't know how many times I've seen this in SPN fanfic. It's everywhere and way overused IMO, mostly in the form of "his anger rolling off him in waves", as one example. There are so many other ways to describe emotions hitting someone, or a feeling coming from someone. Get creative. Not everything has to be equated to an ocean wave. ;)

My other suggestion is to use more contractions, especially in the dialog. Make note of how often the guys use contractions on the show. This sentence: We are still here, Sam. would probably be more realistic to the show as "We're still here, Sam. Using contractions keeps the dialog of the boys from sounding too formal and stiff. Now, for Castiel it would be more appropriate, since he's still learning human mannerisms.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents-worth of advice. ;)
tinkabell007tinkabell007 on February 15th, 2010 04:23 am (UTC)
First of all, thank you very much. Your statement that the writing already shines made me smile a lot. Since English’s not my first language it’s always hard to not use the same vocabulary five times in a row. (I HATE it myself when I read a fic and the writer always uses “he said… he said, he said..” etc. I guess you know what I mean.
So, I am always trying to think outside the box as much as possible when it comes to describing stuff. That’s why I am very thankful that you've pointed this out b/c I was not aware of it. (I changed the part in the story… and went back and even edited another paragraph to change it up a bit)

As for the contractions. Again, I was absolutely not aware of doing that. I used it a few times but def. not every time. So, I went back and edited that, too. :-)

So, really, thank you for pointing this stuff out. I am truly thankful for any tips and advice to improve my writing. :-)


Uhhh and where can I sign the petition for a breakdown hug?? *gg* Especially after everything they have been through the last couple of months, they need to hug it out at some point.
raloria - Screencapping Goddess: Sam_S2Promoraloria on February 15th, 2010 06:07 am (UTC)
I read it again (and very much enjoyed doing so) and it reads even better now with the changes. So glad you took my suggestions to heart. :D

I spotted one little typo. Boy, once you get me started. Heh.

His words were a little muffed since his chin was now resting on Sam’s left shoulder, but the determination behind them was still strong.

You need an "l" in muffled. ;)

I'll sign that petition! More hugging! Must have more brother hugging!!!!!!
tinkabell007tinkabell007 on February 16th, 2010 05:02 am (UTC)
And thank you, again! For some ppl it is probably annoying what you are doing, but def. not for me!! :-) I highly appreciate it!! *squishes*

B: spn_oh sam_tinkbdaytakemejustasiam on February 15th, 2010 03:51 am (UTC)
Damn woman! That made my heart ache. Nice job. :D

I particularly love it since we got to see more into Sam's head, which I think is still a bit of a mystery. Dean may walk around with a lot of bravado, but it is Sam who will keep things to his chest. It seems like we hardly ever really know what is going on in Sam's mind.
tinkabell007tinkabell007 on February 15th, 2010 04:31 am (UTC)
Thanks, B!! Well, you know I could say SORRY for the heart ache, but it was pretty much my intention. So... yeah. lol

And funny thing... I started this story out in Dean's POV. But suddenly after like the second paragraph it switched to Sam. So, I went back and edited the beginning entirely b/c it was clearly Sam's story to tell. And I am glad that I did b/c exactly what you've said is also bothering me. Most of the time we see into Dean's head, but Sam is so withdrawn this season when it comes to his thoughts and feelings that I am almost aching for some insight into his mind.
chloe_amethyst: SPN Sammy by blackbirdj2chloe_amethyst on February 15th, 2010 04:45 am (UTC)
This is really nice! It's just the perfect scene that was needed. :-)
tinkabell007tinkabell007 on February 18th, 2010 08:20 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much!!! Really glad you liked this :-))
danaid_luv: SPN - Sam - squinty love (w heart)danaid_luv on February 15th, 2010 06:26 am (UTC)
Yay! And that's just how it happened. M'sure of it. *nodding & winking* ;)
tinkabell007tinkabell007 on February 18th, 2010 08:22 pm (UTC)
Me too, me too! *nods*

Thank you for reading. ♥
sn_143sn: windswept hairsn_143sn on February 15th, 2010 07:49 am (UTC)
Sammmy Sam Sam sam, doesn't he know by now that even if he dies Lucifer will just bring him back. :( This is more realistic though to me than the actual end
know why? cox remember in the beginning of S4 when ruby told sam he knew what he had to do and Sam said he wasn't doing it anymore? We know now that they were talking about demon blood. Meaning Sam used it moderately before but he dint need to go through detoxification. This time also was a one time thing, so from what I know of addiction, this one shouldn't be that strong as the second time he stopped drinking it.
Meaning the hallucinations and stuff shouldn't be so bad and it would figure that he'd be more broken up and wanting it all to come to an end
lovely coda girl :)
tinkabell007tinkabell007 on February 18th, 2010 08:29 pm (UTC)
Well, remember what Anna said? If they kill him and an angel spreads his essence around the universe then Lucifer would probably not be able to bring him back.
BUT I DONT WANT TO SEE ANY OF THAT IN OUR FUTURE. No killing Sammy anymore. I have enough of this boy dying over and over :-(

Oh oh, and I like that thought!! :-) Now at least I can sit here and pretend that this time the detox will only take a few hours tops and he will be all okay again!!

Glad you liked this, hon. Thank you for reading!!

And... CAN THIS HIATUS BE OVER ALREADY??? :-(
Lisa: TV - SPN - S&D - lonelyroadrachelroberts on February 15th, 2010 05:10 pm (UTC)
Loved this. I would have loved to have seen some interaction between the two after the showdown as well and this was well done!
tinkabell007tinkabell007 on February 18th, 2010 08:33 pm (UTC)
Yeah... any kind of interaction would have been great. *sigh* But sadly it's not the first time they are just leaving such important stuff out entirely. Grhhh.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading and commenting!! I am glad you liked this :-))
klutzy_girlklutzy_girl on February 15th, 2010 11:58 pm (UTC)
I loved this! This is exactly what I needed.

Adding to memories.
tinkabell007tinkabell007 on February 18th, 2010 08:34 pm (UTC)
Awwwww, very glad to hear you liked this!! Thank you for reading and commenting!! :-)))
(Deleted comment)
tinkabell007tinkabell007 on February 18th, 2010 08:34 pm (UTC)
Weeeh. Thank you! ♥
medea34 on February 16th, 2010 03:49 am (UTC)
very nice missing scene. i hope in my heart that they had this conversation (or somthing like it).
tinkabell007tinkabell007 on February 18th, 2010 08:37 pm (UTC)
I hope so, too! :-)

Thank you very much for reading and leaving feedback!! Glad you liked it. ♥
ash_carpenter: SPN ash_carpenter on February 16th, 2010 10:00 am (UTC)
Feeling all weepy here! Yes, I really wish this had been a bridging scene between Famine’s death and the panic room. I definitely think that Dean feels this way, that he’s prepared to protect Sam to the end – but we’re just not seeing it on the show.

Nice coda; makes me feel better anyway! Poor Sammy, so broken down and just needing his big brother…*sniffle*
tinkabell007tinkabell007 on February 18th, 2010 08:51 pm (UTC)
Awwww. thank you very, very much for reading and leaving such wonderful feedback!! :-))

Yeah, I would have loved some scene... ANY kind of scene after Famine's death. The cut right to the panic room was just too sudden *sigh* But I hope, before this season is over, we will get some real brotherly love moment with a hug! Damn, they just have to give us something like this! *sigh*
(Deleted comment)
tinkabell007tinkabell007 on February 18th, 2010 08:53 pm (UTC)
Awww and thank YOU for this lovely feedback!! So glad you read it and liked it :-)

And yes, I am 100% sure something like this happened! *nods* There is no other way. Nope.
zenamydogzenamydog on February 20th, 2010 11:07 am (UTC)
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh Just a perfect missing scene. Loved it. I thought English wasn't your first language, except this is just too good for that. Well done, my dear!

Z
tinkabell007tinkabell007 on February 20th, 2010 06:59 pm (UTC)
LOL Thank you, dear!! *heart*
And you're absolutely right, English isn't my first language. That's why it always takes me forever to get a story out. I probably edited it 103 times just that it doesn't suck too much or sound cheesy. :-)
So, getting feedback like this makes me uber-happy. Even my beta told me she had no idea that my first language wasn't English. So, YAY! :-)

Melissa N. Tillotsonbrianshanelvr on March 2nd, 2010 11:04 am (UTC)
Lovely and simple. Everything we needed.
tinkabell007tinkabell007 on March 3rd, 2010 03:04 pm (UTC)
Awww thank you so much!!! I'm very glad you like this :-)